For many children itβs easy to strike up conversation or join a dialogue already in progress. Yet in todayβs media-centered world, many kids, tweens, and teens are lacking in social skills. They can post pictures and communicate online, but real-time conversations often baffle them.
Deb Marinik, an Education Specialist with ProMedica, explains that there are many reasons for this common challenge in todayβs society. βThe teenage years are angst ridden and egocentric times, so itβs hard to effectively communicate because theyβre primarily thinking about their own issues. This might adversely affect listening skills, which would definitely make them ineffective communicators.β
Start the conversation early
βEncouraging positive communication skills should start very young,β advises Marinik. βTalk to your child, ask questions, and be interested in what they have to say.β She encourages parents to let go of judgment or unsolicited suggestions. βTogether, they are a recipe for getting kids to clam up.β
Fundamental communication skills donβt come easily to some children, so parents can utilize TV shows and real-time events to demonstrate proper language usage and how to stay on topic. Parents can also model examples of how to start or end a conversation with basic phrases that are easy to remember.
Consistent, positive interaction is key. βKids who are raised in a sharing and respectful environment will naturally be better at expressing their thoughts,β says Ms. Marinik. βPracticing good communication is something that needs to happen every day.β
Hang up the phone
Now more than ever, cell phone addiction has become a pandemic. Parents and kids alike struggle to put down their phones, so itβs no wonder conversation skills get lost in the shuffle. So how can adults find the balance between creating family togetherness and utilizing technology in a healthy way?
A single mom of a 17-year-old says the best way to deal with cell phone issues is to not provide one for her child in the first place. Because her son is not distracted by texting, tweeting, or posting, he has developed conversational skills that rival any adult.
For kids who already have a cell phone, itβs important for parents to teach them how to set clear boundaries. Regularly scheduled times when the entire family goes βtech freeβ can be a great way to minimize distractions and encourage conversation.
Paying it forward
Kirt Manecke, an author and business development specialist from Milford, emphasizes that critical social skills are essential for succeeding in a career. βCommunication skills are among the top skills businesses expect when interviewing and hiring,β he says. βEmployers everywhere are saying that young people lack the people skills critical to be successful at work.β
To help teens navigate adolescence, Mr. Manecke wrote Smile and Succeed for Teens. βItβs a crash course in social skills for teens to ensure success in school, work and life,β he says. Adults can also find valuable information through his parentsβ guide (www.SmileTheBook.com) as they work alongside their teens or tweens with fun activities and role-playing.
Donβt give up
An easy way to practice communication skills is to do something together as a family. Everyone needs time away from their screens, especially tweens and teens, and even though it can be challenging to encourage conversation, parents should not give up. βItβs important to remember that the tween and teen years are a confusing time,β says Ms. Marinik. βNever stop trying, no matter how frustrating it is when you are getting monosyllabic responses. No one stays a teen forever, and kids need to feel unconditionally loved, even when theyβre being difficult.β
Keep the Conversation Growing
- Take baby steps by encouraging eye contact and selling βhello.β
- Role-play introductions and answers to basic questions such as βHow are you?β
- Teach your child to ask simple, open-ended questions starting with βhowβ or βwhatβ.
- Remind your child that conversations are a two-way street, so itβs important to listen to the other person.
- Model cell phone etiquette when talking with your child and encourage conversation topics that donβt center on social media or the Internet.
- Visit smilethebook.com/smile-succeed-for-teens for more information about how to help your teen put down their phone and have successful conversations.