This last election was so polarizing for so many people. Although Washtenaw county went blue, Michigan swung red.
I am a queer woman, married to another women, so I personally have many concerns about the incoming Trump administration and some of their overt anti-queer policies.
After the election, I talked with several local moms about their experiences before election day; their concerns about how the incoming administration will impact women, queer people and families of girls or queer children; and how they’re tackling life after the election.
Before election day
“I went into the election with so much anxiety that I could hardly function,” said Jessica DeYoung Kander, mama to two beautifully neurodiverse humans, 12.5 and 9 years old, and a literature professor at Eastern Michigan University, teaching children’s literature courses. “I knew what was coming. I saw the writing on the wall.”
“As the election approached I had a really bad feeling,” said Abby, preschool teacher and mom of two young boys in Ann Arbor. “On Election Day I took the boys up to the Howell Nature Center and passed countless Trump signs on the way.”
“I felt confident that the Democrats were going to carry Michigan,” says C. (Our interviewee needed to speak under conditions of anonymity for career reasons.)
C is a single mom of three teenagers, all adopted from foster care, and work in the nonprofit sector. They are a person of faith and are very active in a progressive Christian faith community. “I knew [the election] was going to be close across the country, [but] I felt hopeful that Harris could win. I refused to let myself wonder, ‘what if she didn’t?’ and I did not let myself consider the alternative. This helped keep my emotions balanced, going into the election. I publicly spoke up and used what platforms I had available to me to advocate for my political beliefs.”
Abby was less confident that Harris would win. “My main concern wasn’t Republicans. I was mostly worried that many Democrats who showed up for Biden wouldn’t show up for Harris, mostly because she is female.”
Concerns about the incoming administration’s impact on women, queer people, and families with girls/queer children.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” said DeYoung Kander, who has a trans non-binary kid and non-biological nieces and nephews who are queer and transgender. “Their safety and right to be children keep me up at night. I am worried about access to gender-affirming medical care. I am terrified for them.”
C finds themself very concerned about the policies that may affect women, children and other communities that already face so many challenges. One of their children is special-needs and one is LGBTQ+, so the struggles many minorities face is very close to their heart.
“I know that Trump has said a lot of things that he cannot rationally do with the checks and balance system of our government,” said C. “But I am deeply concerned by who he is surrounding himself with, and who he is placing in positions of power.”
C is concerned that the cabinet, Senate, and House are all stacked with Republicans, and our government won’t be balanced in a way that will represent all Americans. “I am most concerned about civil rights for the most vulnerable communities, LGBTQ families, abortion rights and the discrimination, not only of races and religions, but even in the Christian communities.”
“Although this [election] affects us all,” said Abby, “my mind especially keeps going to the many trans people in my community. I know many people who have finally felt safe enough to come out as trans in the past few years, and having a president who doesn’t think they should exist is terrifying.”
Abby notes that the repeal of Roe v. Wade seemed impossible to many people, including to her. Supporting “states’ rights” in this area is horrifying, and she asks the same question so many queer families and people are asking — what other decisions will the Supreme Court consider reversing?
RELATED: How to Talk to Your Children About Roe v. Wade
“Seeing Trump flags fly alongside Confederate flags is a scary thing,” said Abby. “Many of his supporters are white supremacists, so what do they mean when they want to ‘make America great again’?”
Abby sees Trump as encouraging divisiveness, which is dangerous. “He wants us to fear those who are different than us, often pointing his finger at immigrants (usually black) and trans people.”
Abby sees characteristics that are similar to some cults in Trump’s following because he can convince people he’s protecting them from all these other dangerous people, even though he himself is a convicted felon.
DeYoung Kander adds another facet to these concerns: what’s going to happen to our public schools. DeYoung Kander’s experience as an educator (and someone who has built a career connected to PK-12 public education) influences the concern over schools.
“These programs are already held together by hope and shoestrings,” DeYoung Kander said. “How can we possibly weather further cuts? Further erosion of the true purpose of education? This also keeps me up at night. It has forced me to rethink my purpose as a higher education employee who works with pre-service education students.”
After Trump won
“I am an expert at pattern recognition and pulling together disparate threads — I was optimistic but vigilant,” DeYoung Kander said. “So a weird calm came over me when the results were confirmed. We finally had the information and could begin to move forward and plan. I’m a planner. Once I knew where we were, I was able to begin imagining what was needed to move forward.”
“When Michigan went red and Harris lost the election, I was in shock,” said C. “It wasn’t until Wednesday that the reality set in, and I allowed myself to feel the emotions of fear and anxiety. The days after the election, those emotions went through the grieving process. I felt anger, disbelief and have landed on activism. I feel called like never before to get involved.”
“I think [Harris being a woman] is why Michigan went red for the second time in my lifetime,” said Abby. “The first in 2016, again when the Democratic candidate was a woman, and again against Trump. I felt sick for days after the election.”
How to move forward
Right now, Abby is taking a break from worrying about the past election too much. “I’ve checked in with many I’m close to, who I now are having a hard time. I’ve given lots of hugs. I’ve cried.”
DeYoung Kander acknowledges that we just don’t know what’s going to happen in this upcoming administration, and that can be stressful.
“For right now, I’m reading lots of literature about resistance, rebellion and revolution. I am also trying to rest and prepare so that when we know more I will be ready to begin taking necessary action. Whenever I am worried or scared I seek information. I look to history, I look to respected artists and teachers and spiritual leaders to hear what they have to say about these moments both presently and historically. I gather wisdom. I have been listening to and reading as much from people like John Stewart, Heather Cox Richardson, Robin Wall Kimmer and others.”
“I have chosen to not live in anxiety and worry,” said C. “That mindset does not help anyone. I am investing time and effort in my family and community instead.”
C is frustrated that the Democrat party hasn’t designated a new leader to help fellow Democrats speak up and fight in such a time of crucial advocacy.
“We need a voice and we need someone to help us,” said C. “Multiply our voices. Where is our Progressive leader? I want to encourage other women and mothers who feel the same frustration to speak up.”
C has signed up to volunteer with a new organization and use their public platforms to speak out. They recommend other parents consider getting involved on the grassroots and community level.
DeYoung Kander is finding comfort in horror movies and late-night comedy shows: “This probably seems odd, but hear me out. As humans, we have used horror and comedy as cathartic means to understand the world around us. Like many folks right now, the instinct to dissociate (one of my particular talents) is strong. Comedy and horror insist that we feel and respond to the world. They tell us, “This IS absurd! This IS scary”. There is a power in being reminded that you’re not crazy. And I find that good comedy and good horror are interrogating our reality in some of the most honest ways possible.”
For DeYoung Kander’s recommended late-night comedy shows, check out Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, John Oliver and Stephen Colbert.
For DeYoung Kander’s current favorite movies, check out “I Saw the TV Glow,” “Smile 2,” “Strange Darling,” “MaXXXine,” “Oddity” and “Immaculate.” Shows like, “Agatha All Along,” “Silo,” “Yellowjackets,” “Slow Horses,” “Kaos,” “The Boys,” “Mr & Mrs Smith,” “Severance” and “3 Body Problem.”
For mindfulness, DeYoung Kander considers these questions: “Where I find my comfort. Which people bring me calm? Which writers show me beauty? What purposeful movement makes the tension in my body release (or ease).
Reflect on glimmers in your life. Glimmers are moments that are the opposite of a trigger. It’s the little things in your daily life that lift you up, or zing through you with pleasure.
For DeYoung Kander, it’s the first sip of really good chai; the sounds of belly laughter in her household; watching best friends succeed; and having meaningful conversations with students.
“My weekly recap meetings with my work partner. Delicious sushi. The way the sun hits the crystals in our windows and projects tiny rainbows all over the room. The feel of getting into a soft inviting bed after a long day. This is what is bringing me peace and resilience right now,” DeYoung Kander said.
Abby picked up crocheting during election week as a stress-relieving hobby — crafts like crocheting and knitting actually do help reduce cortisol! Working with your hands and feeling a sense of accomplishment can help you tackle other, bigger things in your life.
