Social media has become a part of parenting, whether we want it to or not. There are mommy influencers, milestone videos and even day in the life vlogs. However, just because it’s popular doesn’t make it acceptable. And, unfortunately, a lot of popular trends are extortion in disguise, especially when it comes to disabled children.
Disability has become a hot topic, and some parents don’t recognize the line between advocacy and extortion, especially when its trendy. As an example, there’s a trend going around right now about mothers crying because their child was diagnosed with autism. They show their child stimming, and the lyrics in the background are, “I saw it coming, I still cried.”
You can have feelings about your child’s diagnosis. You can look for support. But actively posting something like this is harmful to your child and the community. Imagine them seeing that post when they are older and realizing that their parents felt like that. Or, imagine other people with similar disabilities see trends like that and feel isolated.
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I see it even more with physical disabilities. Parents post incredibly sensitive and vulnerable moments for the sake of “advocacy.” Usually, the parent is getting called an angel in the comments for having a disabled child, and half the time, they aren’t truly advocating for anything. They are simply sharing their child at their most vulnerable.
Examples of extortion I’ve seen lately:
- A mother vlogging her disabled child’s breakdown
- A mother talking about her disabled child’s repeated accidents
- A video of a disabled child getting their blood drawn with a caption about how he has no friends because he’s different.
Examples of great advocacy I’ve seen lately:
- A video of a disabled child moving in a mobility aid through an accessible park. The child’s face isn’t shown, and the caption discusses the importance of accessibility
- A fundraiser posted for a family who is working towards a cure for a rare illness. Videos show a doctor laughing with the child, and discussing specific calls to action.
- A post where a mom discusses her child’s symptoms and how they knew their child had an illness without showing their face at all.
Children are vulnerable, and disabled children are even more so. Even though it can be emotional to be in the hospital or learning how to be a medical parent, we still need to be careful about how much we share online, especially if we have platforms.
If you’re struggling on the difference between advocacy and extortion, here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- If this video was of me, would I be embarrassed?
- If my child sees this video in ten years, will it hurt their feelings?
- Is there a call to action? Am I sharing information that can make a difference for someone else?
- Does this video put down my child’s disability in any way?
Learning how to navigate disability can be new for some parents. Make sure to put your kids first and think twice before posting.
