I had my daughter at 27 weeks and 4 days at the Mott’s Children’s Hospital. She lived in the hospital for two months before we took her home on a feeding tube and oxygen. Now, she’s a healthy, little baby, but the NICU has become such a huge part of our story in so many ways.
NICU parents face so much trauma. My birth was one horrible thing after another, including a placenta abruption, water breaking early, etc. And then, after going through all that, I had this tiny two pound baby to look after. You have to ask before you can hold your own child, and once you’re discharged, you have to go home without your baby.
Grief
There’s an absurd amount of grief. There isn’t a separate floor for NICU moms, so as I was wheeled into my room post C-section, I saw all these moms with healthy, full-term babies. They had balloons and guests, and I had a cold, empty room.
Two hours after getting my C-Section, I wasn’t resting. I was up, and hurrying down two floors to see my baby.
My birthing experience was also full of fear. I lost a lot of blood and oxygen, and my baby was too little to be placed on my chest and had to be rushed to the NICU. Of course, I wanted everyone with her, but it meant that for much of my two hour, post-surgical recovery, I was completely alone.
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There were so many moments during our two month stay that were terrifying. I’d ended up with a severe infection in the last few days of my pregnancy, which caused my daughter’s white blood cells to be through the roof. We had to bring in special teams to make sure she didn’t have leukemia.
There were also fears of NEC, times where her feeding tube filled her lungs by accident, and even a night where she inhaled her own vomit and stopped breathing.
Once we took her home, we had specialists, endless appointments, and constant worry. And, shockingly, our NICU story is one that went very well. My daughter didn’t have surgeries, she didn’t contract anything, she was even able to leave three weeks early, which is unheard of for micro-preemies like her.
Medical strain
Many of my friends went through a lot more, and stayed a lot longer than we did. There is not a single NICU family that I’ve met without multiple specialists. We had pulmonologists, neonatalogists, cardiologists, feeding specialists and a visiting nurse. Babies with complications have more.
The surprise of being a medical parent can put a lot of strain on your mental health as well. You’re not only adjusting to being a parent, you’re learning medical terms, fixing equipment and terrified something could go wrong.
And this doesn’t even touch upon the financial aspect. I’m lucky to have great insurance, but the bill was nearly $650,000. I can’t imagine what I would have done if my insurance didn’t cover it.
After effects
It’s no surprise that almost half of the parents with NICU babies leave with PTSD. Birthing parents are much more likely to experience postpartum anxiety and depression as well. It’s almost unimaginable what one goes through with a NICU baby.
This September is NICU awareness month, and a great time to check in about mental health. If you know a NICU parent, reach out! If you are one, take some time for yourself. There are many resources to support you, and there is tons of mental health support.
I hope that, even though your little one now comes first, you remember to take time to care for yourself.
