For many parents, bedtime is not the peaceful, loving time many non-parents think it is. A lot of times, it becomes a harrowing experience with the child complaining, going to the bathroom over and over, demands to read a book many times, or the demand for a drink or a snack—all to delay going to sleep.
Bedtime can be hard work. Many kids use this time to see if they can increase their power and see if you really mean it when you say it’s time for bed. But while sleep is a time for kids to settle their minds and bodies to relax and sleep, it is also about letting your kids know that you are there when they’re at their most vulnerable and will protect and watch over them.
Sleep is very important for your kids and for you as well. Everyone in the house needs a regular sleep ritual to settle minds and bodies from a busy day.
Sleep routines and rituals are the best way to establish a good sleep schedule for a good night’s sleep. Rituals create a feeling of safety and connection that help your kids know that going to sleep is not only okay, it’s necessary.
Here are 9 ways to explore and see what works best for you and your kid.
Good sleep environment
Creating a comfortable, soft, inviting environment that lets you and your kids’ brain and body know that it’s time to sleep is very important.
- Have comfortable, soft bedding with stuffed animals close by if necessary.
- If a light is needed to secure sleep, make sure that it’s soft and dim.
- Turning on a hall or bathroom light is fine, but the door needs to be closed so that only a sliver of light is seen when open.
- Sounds can be used such as white nose or soft, soothing music or a favorite podcast or audible book at a low volume.
- Temperature: Cool, not warm or cold. This helps the snuggle factor.
Prepare for tomorrow
Make sure that everything is ready for the morning routine before you and your kids go to bed. If you have to, make a checklist and go over it every night.
- Homework or things you need in place.
- Bookbag or your bag/purse ready.
- Everything near the door ready to pick up.
- Lay out clothes for the next day.
- Make lunches.
Bathtime/shower
Warm water relieves stress and signals your body that it’s time to sleep. Depending on the age of your kids, they might take a bath. Older kids and you might take a warm shower. Using scents like a bath bomb or scented bubbles help increase that calm. (They have those for showers now!)
The warm water itself has a calming effect on your body as well as lowering your core body temperature. That’s because a lower body temperature signals your brain that it’s time to sleep.
Gentle stretching
Using gentle stretching techniques such as leaning over to touch your toes and stay there for 10 seconds to stretch your legs. Stretch out your arms or twist gently to relax your back.
If this isn’t for you or doesn’t work, use a couple of yoga poses before bedtime help your and your kids muscles relax and unwind. Children (and you) can use the ‘Child’s Pose’ or ‘Cat-Cow’.
Body scan
If you’re not into yoga, use what some call a ‘Body Scan’. This is a simple way to thank your body for its hard work and invite your body to rest. It’s done after lights are out. You can sit by your kid and do this or as you are leave the room.
- Start with the feet and then the legs and thank them for the work they’ve done that day. (they walked and ran around all day)
- Move up the body and thank every part for their help in making your body work well that day. (your stomach digested the food, and yes, even your urinary tract needs thanks for getting rid of the things your body didn’t need)
- Arms, hands, neck shoulder and brain worked hard doing all sorts of things.
- Make sure that the heart is mentioned because it kept you and your child alive and well that day by pumping blood and feeling lots of emotions during the day.
- Once this is done, go back down the body and encourage it to rest and relax. You could even softly touch some parts like the head, heart and belly. (let your arms and hands relax, make your belly soft and your legs rest heavy on the bed because they don’t have to do anything tonight)
Connection time
Connection time is the time where you and your kids just talk. Ask about their day. Don’t go into a lot of detail. Just general questions like:
- Was your day busy or calm? Ask for a couple of examples, with only one story as an example. If you let them, they’ll talk for a long time about one thing.
- Is there something you need to ask me about or that you’re worried about?
- Was this a good day, okay day, or bad day? Do you want to talk about that?
- Tell me one good thing that happened today.
Bedtime storytime
Reading has been shown to significantly improve sleep habits. And it also fosters a love of literature and reading. It also establishes a bond between you and your kids. This activity also reduces stress and increases relaxation. It’s routine, its bedtime, it’s okay to relax.
When it comes time for the bedtime story, you need to have this prepared in advance. If your child is young, have them select a few books that they would like read to them that week. Have them ready to read. If your child is older, pick a chapter book that you both decide on and read a chapter a night.
Rules for bedtime reading: Stick to one or two books/chapters per night. Be firm.
Bedtime snack or drink
Children’s bodies are constantly growing. Dinner was earlier in the evening and they might need a little snack or drink to ease their minds and body to sleep. You might need this too. Remember, this is not a second dinner.
- Make sure there is little to no sugar involved. Banana slices with peanut butter, yogurt with a sprinkle of granola or cheese and crackers. Almonds and turkey as well as the examples listed above help boost serotonin levels that support sleepiness.
- When it comes to a drink, stick to water or a warm beverage that does not contain caffeine. After the bedtime snack, make sure they don’t chug a whole bottle of water; that will lead to multiple “bathroom visits”.
- If you decide that a snack and drink are part of your or your kid’s bedtime ritual, schedule it around 7:30pm or 8pm at the latest. This will stop those frequent “bathroom visits”.
No electronics
Both you and your kid need to know that after a certain time at night, there needs to be NO screen time. Whether it’s email, TV, phones, or electronic book, these screens stimulate your brain. Those blue waves really react in your brain. You want to relax your brain, not stimulate it.
By limiting screentime to one hour before bedtime, it allows your brain to properly unwind before you sleep. Research has shown that when a kid engages with a screen of any type within an hour before bedtime, they have a poorer sleep quality and a more restless night.
RELATED: Borrow My Triplets’ Routine to Set Yourself Up for Successful Summer Bedtimes
A bedtime ritual is crucial for you and your kid. The routine lets you brain and body know that it’s getting ready to let go of the stress and tension of the day and get ready to sleep.
Consistency is vital. Flexibility can be used at times and some parts of the routine can be shortened, but each day needs this ritual. Every night, find some way for you and your kid to stick to the routine. You don’t have to do everything on this list. Find a routine that works for your family. But when you decide. Stick to it.
