When my wife Jess and I decided we both wanted to start trying to conceive at the same time for pseudo twins (you can read our why’s here), we knew it would be a crazy journey, but we genuinely felt prepared.
I had fifteen years of early childhood education experience under my belt, and my wife frequently spent time with the kids of friends.
We knew there were some very real cons — what if we both conceived at the same time, what if one of us conceived twins — but we felt the pros outweighed the cons.
Our doctors and our own research assured us of the unlikelihood that both of us would conceive at the same time, especially since both I and our sperm donor had low fertility results. And we both refused fertility medication to avoid the increased likelihood of twins and agreed that if one of us still somehow conceived twins, the other one would immediately cease and desist.
Well, joke’s on us! Despite my low fertility, I conceived on the very first cycle, and my wife conceived on her first cycle too — giving us due dates 10 days apart! Delighted and horrified, we began conversations about birth plans: what would happen if we both went into labor on the same day, how to best support us postpartum since we’d be delivering probably within days of each other, etc.
But when we went in for our first ultrasound (8 weeks for me), we found out I had spontaneously conceived twins.
We were having pseudo triplets.
Well we’d solved the problem of “both going into labor on the same day” since as a first-time mom of twins, I was almost guaranteed to give birth prematurely, which would space our deliveries and recoveries out. But now we were having three babies at once. And let me tell you, baby gear and the parenting world is not set up for that!
My wife redid our entire baby registry. I feverishly researched twin pregnancies: the best diets, the best tips and tricks, how to care for more babies than you have hands to hold.
We were already happy that our babies’ biological dad was interested in being involved in the babies’ lives, but now that we were having three — we were elated we would (sometimes) not be outnumbered.
The difference between two and three babies felt HUGE. Having three babies would change everything. After all, you have two hands! You can carry two babies at a time! You literally do not have three hands.
And having three babies did change everything, starting with pregancy. Twin pregnancies come with higher complication risks, and mine was an anomaly even then: I contracted hyperemesis gravidarum in my first trimester, a disabling case of symphysis pubis dysfunction in my second trimester, and preeclampsia in my third.
The emotional, medical and practical aspects of having twins
Emotionally, I immediately felt a fierce protective love for both of these tiny lives within me, while simultaneously grieving the loss of everything I’d ever wanted in a pregnancy: a healthy journey, a water birth at a birth center, a healthy baby at the end. In a previous article, I’d extensively explored my anxiety, sadness and fear over conceiving twins and expecting pseudo triplets — and as my pregnancy and early parenthood progressed, so many of my fears, both expected and unexpected (like developing dangerous complications, losing my job due to my pregnancy and having babies born with many health issues) came true.
RELATED: Surviving on Popsicles and Ice Chips: A local Mom’s Hyperemesis Pregnancy Journey
Emotionally, many of my fears related to the medical realities I was now forced to confront and, somehow, radically accept.
Medically, twins changed the trajectory of my entire pregnancy and birth plan. Ever since I gave a high school presentation as a teen on the benefits of a water birth, I’d desired a water birth.
I wanted to birth in a birth center: a birth that honored a more natural process, like allowing me to move as I labored, birth in water and ensure I could have immediate skin-to-skin after birth; but I’d choose one next to a hospital, in case an emergency happened and we needed an immediate transfer. The best of both worlds.
But a twin pregnancy punted me immediately into a high-risk pregnancy. No birth center in Michigan would take a twin pregnancy. Even if I felt comfortable shifting to a home birth (which I researched and decided against as the risks felt too high for my babies), most midwives wouldn’t do twin births at home either.
I made the difficult choice to switch all my prenatal care to the University of Michigan (a 50 minute commute at the time) because of their stellar NICU. When I asked if I could have one of their midwives attend my birth and was told yes, I was elated to finally have at least a tiny sliver of the birth I’d always wanted — and was devastated a month later, to be told that since I was having twins, no midwives would be permitted to even be in the room, even if the doctor still took the lead.
UofM gives prospective parents brochures on its gentle, mother-and-infant-first birthing practices. Protecting the golden hour. Prioritizing a mother being able to labor in different positions. Respecting a mother’s needs during birth. But those are only for singleton parents. With twins, everything became a sterilized, cold, medical procedure.
The golden hour was lost as my twins needed immediate medical intervention to get their APGAR (Appearance, Pulse, Grimace, Activity and Respiration) scores up. I understand and accept this. But when the APGAR scores came up and the nurses said they were safe to be moved, it still took a half hour for the nurses to bring them to me, even when I was asking for them constantly.
I wasn’t allowed to birth in a regular room; even though I had a vaginal birth, I was still forced to birth in the OR. Far worse, I was forced to birth flat on my back. I repeatedly tried to shift my weight and use gravity to my advantage by sitting up, or even just propping up on my elbows, but I was forcibly held down on the operating table by one of the nurses who told me she would restrain me if I kept trying to shift positions.
I pushed for over 4 hours and had a second degree tear because my body was being forced to work against gravity. (After 4 hours of pushing, my wife’s demands to let her prop me up with a couple towels behind my back were finally, resentfully granted; the first baby was born within 15 minutes after that). When I begged for water, or even just ice chips, the doctor refused to give me any hydration for the entire 4 hours (even though the supposed danger of mothers drinking during labor has been well-refuted by now).
This is not an expose on the UofM; I actually still genuinely think the UofM was still the best option out of all the hospitals I toured, and I don’t regret choosing them. This is an expose on twin births, and the problems still inherent in how twin mothers and babies are treated within the medical system. Even a hospital as progressive as the UofM, who recognizes the value of practices like the golden hour and movement during labor, throws these practices out the window with twin pregnancies because twin pregnancies are more complicated and making a woman lie down on her back is just easier for the doctors.
Practically, the parenting world is not designed for triplets. Double strollers are already more expensive than singleton strollers, but triplet strollers are a whole other beast. Some cost over $1,000 new, and options are extremely limited.
Buying three of most things is wildly expensive. We had to purchase a different vehicle because we couldn’t fit three carseats into our existing vehicle plans. There are extremely few (to no) vehicles that can fit three carseats in one row, so a van or SUV was a requirement.
There isn’t a good stroller option to clip in three carseats for newborns either. Our newborn carseat stroller configuration ended up being the double UPPAbaby stroller with two giant carabiners hooking the third carseat onto the handle. A fellow triplet mom is the one who shared this secret with us!
“How to get them places” is definitely the biggest problem to solve with three babies, and there are not many reasonable triplet vehicular transportations at an affordable price.
We also couldn’t fit everyone in the bath at the same time — baths just can’t fit three infant bathseats.
Practically, “help” with triplets also looks way different. If you have a singleton and your friend comes over, you can reasonably leave your baby with them for a half hour while you shower. But it isn’t reasonable to leave a friend with three babies — for the babies or the friend.
So even when a friend came over to help, I still couldn’t get away for a shower or a nap or a cry. It took two people being over at the same time for me to be able to step away.
The emotional and medical difficulties are still an ongoing journey of acceptance and advocacy. But for practical resources, here are some of the things my family did to support our triplets, that may be relevant to families of multiples and to families with several young children close in age!
Strollers
Facebook Marketplace was a godsend. My wife scoured local listings, and listings by grandparents, and was able to find several stroller options. Here’s the ones that worked best for us:
The UPPAbaby: an inline double stroller with the third carseat attached on the handle with carabiners. Worked well for doctor appointments and other travel.
The double jogger BOB: I can’t rave enough about BOBs. To make this fit three babies, once the kids were old enough to hold up their heads, I threaded a coconut swing through the stroller frame. Note: NOT the handle; it’s gotta be on the frame to be secure.
The BOB renegade wagon: Once the kiddos were old enough to sit up and enjoy a wagon, this quickly became our most popular vehicle.
Vehicles
We got a Chrysler Pacifica with ample trunk space for strollers/wagons and an easy-to-remove middle seat. Two carseats are in the middle row, and one is in the back. There are several vans and SUVs that have enough space to fit triplet carseats, but this one was affordable, reliable and available!
Three of everything
The things we did need three of: stroller seats, baby carriers, sleeping spaces (we didn’t do cribs; we alternated between bassinets, pack ’n play, and floor beds), carseats.
The things we didn’t: changing tables, bathseats (you can’t fit everyone in the tub), bottle warmers and sterilizers, diaper bags, toys.
Sometimes we’d just buy one thing, like a baby bouncer seat, and see how it was received before we bought more. All the babies loved side-to-side swings, not back-and-forth bouncers, so we bought a second swing and gave away our bouncers.
